That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
