Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
