Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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