i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
