I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
