on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
