I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
