update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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