I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize