dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
