ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
