They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Me too!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
