If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
