Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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