Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
