I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
