I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
