There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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