so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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