I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
