I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
