I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
