I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize