I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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