I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
