ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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