i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
