Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
