Apparently you make a good broom.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
