She's JV to your varsity
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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