Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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