I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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