On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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