never play flip cup with pint glasses
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
