i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize