There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
