In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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