But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
