my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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