Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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