I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize