the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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