Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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