Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
