I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
