you guys were way drunker than both of me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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