i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
