I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
