Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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