I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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