The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
