Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
