im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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