I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
