I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
