Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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