I smell stomach acid.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize