if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
