I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
