apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
