she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I touched a dick in church today
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
