I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
