hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
