My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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