you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
