I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You are a genius and a whore.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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